They’re Gone. Now What? A Practical Playbook for the First 30 Days

You don’t need pep talks; you need a plan. This is a 30-day, boots-on-the-ground playbook to carry you from shock to steady. Think of it like rehab for your calendar, body, and brain after an abrupt exit. The aim isn’t “feel amazing.” The aim is traction.

Guiding rules (pin these)

    1.        Micro beats heroic. Five minutes daily > two hours once.

    2.        Consistency over intensity. Your nervous system loves predictable, boring rhythms right now.

    3.        No mystery solving for 30 days. If closure drops from the sky, fine. But you won’t go hunting it; you’re building closing instead.

    4.        Treat yourself like an athlete in recovery. Sleep, fuel, movement, coaching.

Week 1: Stabilize & Contain (Days 1–7)

Objective: Stop bleeding. Install routines. Handle essentials.

Daily cadence (30–45 minutes total):

·         Morning set: Water + protein, 10–15 minutes of movement, 3 deep breaths at the door.

·         Midday reset: Outdoor 10 (walk to the end of the block, sunlight in eyes).

·         Evening wind-down: Screens off 60 minutes before sleep; read, stretch, or journal.

One-time actions:

·         Safety audit: Change passwords, review banking/auto-pays, secure important docs.

·         Contact policy: “No contact for 30 days” or “Logistics only by email.” Write it down and share with your three-person circle so they hold you to it.

·         Artifact triage: Pack shared photos and mementos into one box; store out of sight.

·         Tell two people the truth. “They left suddenly; I’m hurting; I’m building a plan.” Asking for specific help isn’t needy; it’s strategic.

Scripts you can steal:

·         To friends: “I’m not taking advice yet. Can we walk tomorrow at 7?”

·         To the ex (logistics only): “Please email move-out times by Thursday 5 p.m. I won’t discuss the relationship.”

If sleep is wrecked: Set a strict wake time, cut caffeine after 2 p.m., and use a boring wind-down ritual (same audiobook each night works wonders).

Week 2: Grieve on Purpose & Reclaim Space (Days 8–14)

Objective: Give emotion a container and your life a few wins.

Daily additions:

·         Grief window (15 min): Timer + journal. Tears count as success.

·         Competent joy (10–20 min): Fix a hinge, cook a simple meal, tidy one drawer, learn a tiny skill.

·         Two-minute breath set: 4-4-4-4 box breathing morning and night.

Home reset:

·         Reclaim one room. Rearrange furniture, swap linens, add a plant or lamp. The point is to change the scene, so your brain stops expecting their footsteps.

·         Music boundary: Create two playlists Release (songs you need to feel it) and Rebuild (songs that lift you without denial). Start with Release, finish with Rebuild.

Social:

·         One friend plan and one solo outing (library, matinee, trail). You’re teaching your nervous system that the world still welcomes you.

Journal prompts:

·         “What did I do right in this relationship that I want to keep?”

·         “Where did I abandon myself?”

·         “Which standard will I enforce early next time?”

Week 3: Identity Rehab & Body in Motion (Days 15–21)

Objective: Re-establish agency. Your body is the lever.

Movement:

·         Three sessions this week (20–30 minutes): brisk walk, jog intervals, bodyweight circuit, yoga. Pick one and repeat.

·         One longer weekend activity (45–60 minutes): hike, bike, swim, or a long walk with a podcast.

Values & standards:

·         Write your three non-negotiables for future relationships.

·         Draft a personal code for communication: “I say hard things kindly and early.” Stick it on the fridge.

Money & admin:

·         Budget check: What changes now? Cancel or pause subscriptions that were “ours.”

·         Future buffers: Auto-transfer $X each payday to a “Reserves” account. You’re building a safety net, which lowers panic.

Creative or learning spark:

·         Start a tiny 14-day project: sketch daily, learn a song riff, take a short course, build a birdhouse, contribute to a community garden. “I can start and finish” is the medicine.

Week 4: Choose Forward & Test Your New Muscles (Days 22–30)

Objective: Consolidate gains. Make one brave decision.

Review & decide:

·         Contact policy 2.0: Extend no-contact for 30 more days or define strict logistics rules.

·         Story of now (1 paragraph): “This happened. It hurt. Here’s what I’m doing. Here’s who I’m becoming.” Read it aloud.

One brave action:

·         Apply for something (role, grant, class).

·         Book a solo day trip.

·         Join a group (running club, pottery night, coding Meetup, choir).

·         Or, if symptoms have lingered, book therapy (that’s courage, not retreat).

Community & contribution:

·         Do one favor for someone else—deliver soup, mow a lawn, mentor for an hour. Generosity breaks the “me + my pain” tunnel.

Closing ritual (choose one):

·         Burn or bury the unsent letter (safely).

·         Plant a tree or herb garden.

·         Take one final walk through a meaningful place, then choose a new place as “yours.”

Troubleshooting

·         “I keep checking their socials.” Log out, remove the apps for two weeks, ask a friend to change your password if necessary. Your sanity > your curiosity.

·         “I’m fine all day, crushed at night.” Extend your evening wind-down, schedule a post-dinner call or show, and move your grief window to 8 p.m.

·         “I slipped and texted.” Not a moral failure. Reset the boundary, block if needed, and note what triggered it. Then add a buffer (call a friend at that hour tomorrow).

·         “I can’t stop replaying ‘what ifs.’” Write the top three on paper. Under each: Outcome I controlled vs. Outcome I didn’t. Circle your side and plan one tiny upgrade for next time.

·         “Food has gone off the rails.” Aim for “protein + plant” twice a day and hydration. Don’t rescue your feelings with sugar and call it self-care. That’s a band-aid on a flood.

How you’ll know it’s working

·         The loops are shorter and less sticky.

·         Your day has a rhythm again.

·         You catch yourself laughing without guilt.

·         You start wanting things little wants first, big wants later.

·         You feel more loyal to your standards than to your old story.

When to escalate care

If, despite the plan, your sleep stays wrecked, panic is daily, work and home functioning keep sliding, or you feel unsafe bring in a clinician. If you have thoughts of self-harm, call or text 988 in the U.S. immediately. Courage is asking for a spotter when the bar is heavy.

You cannot control why they left. You can control the world you build from here. Give yourself 30 days then keep going.